from the outermost reaches of the cosmos

Sep 03

creepytwitteratreplies:

And now for our very first “Creepy Twitter Account” submission, I present to you…this guy. Yay.

Click the picture to be transported to a far away creepy land.

Jul 24

Happy

Being happy is like sleeping on a shitty recliner, one that lays flat if you put your weight on it, but doesn’t lock into place. You know the ones I’m talking about? The footrest locks but the backrest lays back only if you keep it laid back using your weight.

I hate those freakin’ chairs.

You can relax, but you can’t relax too much. This is like happiness. The world is such a problematic shithole, maintaining happiness requires at least low-level vigilance. The minute you get SO relaxed that you fall asleep— or so happy that you’re entirely careless— the recliner snaps upright. As the True Grit character Mattie Ross said, “You must pay for everything in this world, one way and another. There is nothing free except the grace of God.”

Maybe one solution, in both cases, is obesity. Or a dog* spooning your head (*a neutered dog)

Jul 17

Weird looking bird! (Taken with Instagram)

Jun 17

[video]

Jun 09

Taken with Instagram

Jun 06

“Yo Mr. Cody, how many these mushrooms I gotta eat fo’ I Super Mario da fuck outta dis place?”

(Source: ghettohikes)

“Hey Dustin! Getcha ass ova here! We buildin’ bird feeders! Peanut butter pinecone craft time motherfucka!”

(Source: ghettohikes)

“E.J. back there havin’ a starin’ contest with da sun, slowin’ down the whole pack… homeboy shoulda gone to Space Camp.”

(Source: ghettohikes)

May 19

paulbunyansdick:

Poor Sasquatch, is he a figment of his own imagination?

(Source: tragedyseries)

Apr 09

Sometimes I get sad.

bigbadblake:

But then I remember that soon I may be happy. And hope is like electricity.

(Source: walterblakeknoblock)

(Source: lowerthanhades, via tuckyeah)

Mar 28

17, I’m on the left.

No idea why I tweet —OTHER THAN TO MAKE MORTAL ENEMIES— but I’m pretty sure it isn’t to jumpstart a career in comedy. No work could be as fun as the stuff me and my buddies filmed every summer, and no fame as grand as hearing about VHS copies-of-VHS copies of our movies being passed around schools that we didn’t even attend.

Mar 20

nokittythatsmypotpie:

@bridger_w and @ShittingtonUK bickering — preserved for posterity

(via nokittybadkitty-deactivated2013)

Mar 15

Duh

AND YES I KNOW THE GREEN AREA OF THAT MAP IS MEXICO. WHAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW IS THAT “MEXICO” IS BASICALLY DIRT THAT FLOATS ON TOP OF A BIG SEA. YOU CAN SWIM UNDER MEXICO, HOW DO YOU THINK THE MAYANS INFILTRATE OUR BORDERS?

THEY HAVE GILLS, GOSH DARNIT.

“MAP MEME”

I have visited nowhere in the world besides these areas of the oceans. Underwater. AND I NEVER EVEN BROKE THE SURFACE.